The dinner conversation we had the other night was my kids relaying the highlights of the day – googling our family names to find out who their names-sake were. Dad came up as anything from a famous singer to an entrepreneur, attorney and building removalist. Our kids names returned professions such as “actress, singer, director”, artist, linguistic professor and football player. They thought it was funny that I came up as me. Which poses the question, what digital footprint are my kids – or your kids – going to leave?
For all the articles Mia Freedman writes which I raise an eyebrow at, the one published in the Sunday Life mag yesterday entitled “A Sext out of Context” was indeed a good one. It started with the statement “Imagine if every dumb, embarrassing and potentially illegal thing you’ve ever done was captured permanently for the public record. In words and sometimes in pictures. Imagine if every journalist, partner, employer, police officer, teacher, political adversary, administrator, public servant and anyone else with an internet connection (including your children or future children) had access to that information in the time it took to punch your name into a Google search. For the rest of your life.”
This is truly a hideous nightmare. And yet a reality for our teens of today. The article goes on to suggest that in time to come we may see an influx of young adults changing their name in an effort to leave behind their past record. This makes me laugh. You can never leave your past behind. The digital past may be hidden by changing names, but all the dumb, embarrassing and illegal things ever done are still carried with you. Sure – they make up part of who you are – but they never leave.
The thing about teen life is that you are likely to do things you regret – the part of the brain responsible for making forward thinking decisions is simply not developed. But at some point, emotional jetlag will hit. I constantly have women come up to me asking “how can you be so up-front about your past?” as if they themselves, have dark secrets they would never be brave enough to tell their children. When I meet someone for the first time and they tell me they’ve read my book, I find myself putting my head and shoulders back and taking a deep breath to remind myself it’s okay that someone knows the secrets of my past and I’m not that person anymore. I chose to publish my life story about teen promiscuity – I chose to put words in print. But how many young people don’t stop to think (and therefore, in essence, aren’t consciously or carefully choosing) the words or photos they put on FB – or anywhere else.
I see young people putting words on their wall which are not fit to be spoken in public – yet they are on the digital diary forever. I watch as young couples with kids have all out fights wall-to-wall… Here’s a tip – this makes it really hard to let go and move on when the derogatory comments about your partner are on your Facebook wall…. it makes it pretty tough to insist your kids show you – or your partner – respect. I see teen girls flash their bits as a profile-pic in an attempt to be noticed – not realising that these images (along with myriads of sexting images) are ending up on the computers of paedophiles as far away as Europe.
Life is not erasable. At some point, this either becomes a deep awakening when a person decides to confront their past and deal with it. Or a source of constant denial – covering up the aches through prescription drugs, binge eating, binge drinking or another form of ‘deadening the senses’ to hide the pain of yesteryear’s decisions.
Daughters, neices, grandaughters, sons, nephews, grandsons… what legacy are you leaving for your future? For your kids future? As you navigate teen years, pause a moment before you write something or take a photo which will have a lasting consequence. The digital diary is there forever. You can’t erase it – you can’t say oops after you’ve hit send. It will come back to bite you if you use it irresponsibly. Parents, Aunties, Uncles, Grandparents, teachers… are you doing enough to warn our kids and teens that there is a consequence of the digital diary?? Get the message out there. Today’s teens will hit reality hard in the future – who’s doing whatever it takes to equip them??
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