Digital Diary… forever

The dinner conversation we had the other night was my kids relaying the highlights of the day – googling our family names to find out who their names-sake were.  Dad came up as anything from a famous singer to an entrepreneur, attorney and building removalist. Our kids names returned professions such as “actress, singer, director”, artist, linguistic professor and football player.  They thought it was funny that I came up as me.  Which poses the question, what digital footprint are my kids – or your kids – going to leave?

For all the articles Mia Freedman writes which I raise an eyebrow at, the one published in the Sunday Life mag yesterday entitled “A Sext out of Context” was indeed a good one. It started with the statement “Imagine if every dumb, embarrassing and potentially illegal thing you’ve ever done was captured permanently for the public record. In words and sometimes in pictures. Imagine if every journalist, partner, employer, police officer, teacher, political adversary, administrator, public servant and anyone else with an internet connection (including your children or future children) had access to that information in the time it took to punch your name into a Google search. For the rest of your life.”

This is truly a hideous nightmare.  And yet a reality for our teens of today.  The article goes on to suggest that in time to come we may see an influx of young adults changing their name in an effort to leave behind their past record.  This makes me laugh.  You can never leave your past behind.  The digital past may be hidden by changing names, but all the dumb, embarrassing and illegal things ever done are still carried with you.  Sure – they make up part of who you are – but they never leave.

The thing about teen life is that you are likely to do things you regret – the part of the brain responsible for making forward thinking decisions is simply not developed.  But at some point, emotional jetlag will hit.  I constantly have women come up to me asking “how can you be so up-front about your past?” as if they themselves, have dark secrets they would never be brave enough to tell their children.  When I meet someone for the first time and they tell me they’ve read my book, I find myself putting my head and shoulders back and taking a deep breath to remind myself it’s okay that someone knows the secrets of my past and I’m not that person anymore.  I chose to publish my life story about teen promiscuity – I chose to put words in print.  But how many young people don’t stop to think (and therefore, in essence, aren’t consciously or carefully choosing) the words or photos they put on FB – or anywhere else.

I see young people putting words on their wall which are not fit to be spoken in public – yet they are on the digital diary forever.  I watch as young couples with kids have all out fights wall-to-wall… Here’s a tip – this makes it really hard to let go and move on when the derogatory comments about your partner are on your Facebook wall…. it makes it pretty tough to insist your kids show you – or your partner – respect.  I see teen girls flash their bits as a profile-pic in an attempt to be noticed – not realising that these images (along with myriads of sexting images) are ending up on the computers of paedophiles as far away as Europe.

Life is not erasable.  At some point, this either becomes a deep awakening when a person decides to confront their past and deal with it.  Or a source of constant denial – covering up the aches through prescription drugs, binge eating, binge drinking or another form of ‘deadening the senses’ to hide the pain of yesteryear’s decisions.

Daughters, neices, grandaughters, sons, nephews, grandsons… what legacy are you leaving for your future? For your kids future?  As you navigate teen years, pause a moment before you write something or take a photo which will have a lasting consequence.  The digital diary is there forever.  You can’t erase it – you can’t say oops after you’ve hit send.  It will come back to bite you if you use it irresponsibly.  Parents, Aunties, Uncles, Grandparents, teachers… are you doing enough to warn our kids and teens that there is a consequence of the digital diary??  Get the message out there.  Today’s teens will hit reality hard in the future – who’s doing whatever it takes to equip them??

GET A GRIP on Intimacy and Technology

Quiet Introspection

One of the funniest and profound clips I’ve ever seen is entitled The Power of Vulnerability.  It is filled with simple revelation into the condition of humanity – who we are, what drives us, what we are fearful of and how we make up for those insecurities.

The social researcher Brene Brown, highlights a couple of inherent truths.  Firstly, connection is why we are here.  It gives purpose and meaning to our lives – we are neurobiologically wired for connection.  Secondly, shame is the fear of disconnection.  Underpinning shame and the feeling of “I’m not good enough” is excruciating vulnerability.  Fear of being vulnerable enough to let people see what is on the inside of us.

Embracing vulnerability – acknowledging what holds us back – frees a person to embrace courage, sincerity, compassion, generosity, joy, worthiness and gratitude.  The flip side is often seen in behaviours of ‘medicating’ feelings of doubt, fear, shame, guilt, resentment, selfishness and blame with drugs (illegal and prescription), alcohol, over-spending, over-eating or any other kind of addiction.

I highly recommend you take the time to watch this 20 minute presentation – it challenged my perspective.  I’ve spent a couple of months reflecting on the truths in this clip and have found it to be a catalyst for insight and understanding – not only for myself but the way I see others.

The punch line is simply this – A whole-hearted person knows that they are worthy of love and that they belong.  That’s it.  The difference between someone who is content within themselves and someone who’s not, is the simplicity of knowing they are worthy of love – and they have purpose in this big wide world.

• Regardless of where a person is at – young or old – the importance of knowing you are loved, valued and created with a purpose is an internal longing and driving force.  The way this truth is internally processed results in either positive or negative behaviours.
• Our kids and our teens are wired for struggle and survival… but need to know they are worthy of love and belonging.
• We are all wired for connection – but in order for connection to happen, we must be vulnerable enough to allow ourselves to be seen.

I’ve interwoven this concept within the GET A GRIP teenz program to help them catch this profound insight.  But more importantly, you can help reinforce this message when you’re talking to a young person.  Tell them – I value you.  You are worthy of love.  You are created with a purpose.  You have a destiny ahead of you.  Ask them – How can you make smart choices which help nurture a sense of value?  What can you do now which will give you a sense of direction towards a great future?  How brilliant it would be to help our teens get a hold of this message!

Whose vision are you helping??

When was the last time you volunteered?  Gave an hour or two (or countless more) to a worthwhile cause?  Many organisations run on the good-hearted commitment of volunteers – and today, I want to say “thanks” to volunteers across the country – and those closer to home.  Without you, many things would simply not be achieved.

Why volunteer? I guess the biggest reason is to help others – often organisations have vision and purpose, yet don’t have the finance to see their dream come to fruition.  When you give your time to something bigger than yourself, you catch the heart of it and get inspired by the bigger picture.  Therefore, volunteering can give you a sense of purpose – a mission in life – something to look forward to.  If you’ve been having more blue days than you’d like, giving your spare time can inject a new lease of life to beat back feelings of depression and bring added value to your world.

You will meet new people as you step out on a different path; develop existing skills; and discover talents you didn’t realise you had.  Often, it can be just the thing you need to bring a fresh new perspective on life.

According to Volunteering Australia, the four most common areas where people volunteer are:
1.Sport and physical recreation
2 Education and training
3.Community/welfare
4.Religious groups.

The top reasons for volunteering were helping others or the community (57%), followed by personal satisfaction (44%), and to do something worthwhile  (36%).

Both the young and old can volunteer – animal shelters, community centres, churches, libraries and organised events such as the upcoming Daffodil Day can all be a worthy outlets for your free time, which may otherwise be unfruitful.  If you’re a teen, volunteering can give you experience in life, a chance to learn responsibility; and the opportunity to bring added value to others.

In 2006, only 34% of the adult population were volunteering – that means there’s 66% of adults who don’t volunteer – and quite possibly less young people than this.  If you aren’t volunteering somewhere, why not try it?? Go and ask someone who does – find out how to get involved… you might discover the benefits which come flooding back to you are way more than you ever expected!!!

Afterall, if you’re not as Happy as Larry, you’re the only person who can do something about it – and volunteering may be the key!! (Check out the toon by Jim… it will put a smile on your face.

Facebook humiliation in the sickest of ways…

The latest craze to hit Facebook is another indication of the degrading messages young people both receive and give about themselves, others and s*xuality. Pages are being set up which have messages on the profile information page saying things like: **** -* *** Has Finally Arrived To Facebook. Inbox Me Your S*xual Experiences… From S*it To Great. Everything Will Remain Anonymous Just Inbox The Name Of The Person You Slept With A Rate 0/10 And Any Other Information You Want To Give Me…

This is so sad. Young people’s s*xual experiences are being put out in the open for all peers to see. Humiliation in the sickest of ways.

The s*xual experience is supposed to be a memorable one – but not in this manner. Connecting with another person s*xually is meant to be intimate – not public. Media and p*rnography has sold our youth a lie that s*x is meaningless – worthless – trashy. The reality is, when s*x is treated like this, it’s the person involved who ends up feeling meaningless, worthless and trashy. When young people throw themselves out there, it leaves them with baggage they’re not equipped to deal with.

Some of the latest research on bonding attachment indicates that feelings and behaviours related to rejection after a s*xual relationship are difficult to control and lead to feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts – top this with humiliation through a Facebook page where an ex-fling can degrade the experience to a score… this is cyber-bullying at its worst.

Our young people aren’t entirely at fault here – they have been constantly bombarded with sexual messages. The S*xualisation of Young People Review by Linda Papadopoulos (released February 2010), states:

The world is saturated by more images today than at any other time in our modern history. Behind each of those images lies a message about expectations, values and ideals. Images present and perpetuate a world where women are revered – and rewarded – for their physical attributes and can put pressure on both girls and boys to emulate polarized gender stereotypes from a younger and younger age. It is testament to the extent to which such stereotypes have become ‘normalised’ that to object is to often be accused of lacking a sense of humour and proportion.

Leading S*x Educator, Janell L. Carroll from the University of Hartford, expresses these cautions in relation to the portrayal of s*x on television and in movies:

…(it) is only a small slice of the real world; television, like the movies, edits and sanitizes the world it displays. For example, although literally hundreds of acts of s*xual intercourse are portrayed or suggested on television shows and in the movies every day, we rarely see a couple discuss or use contraception, discuss the morality of their actions, contract s*xually transmitted infections (STIs), worry about AIDS, experience erectile dysfunction, or regret the act afterward. Most couples fall into bed shortly after initial physical attraction and take no time to build an emotional relationship before becoming s*xually active. Values and morals about s*xuality seem non-existent.

The reality is young men and women do have the capacity to care for others. But our young people receive so many negative messages – they need to be taught respect and empathy. Unfortunately, unless it’s taught in the home, it can often be a quality which is a lacking. Youth need guidance and direction in a world which offers very few boundaries. Where are the positive role models? Who is being a positive voice for the youth of your community?

How is your school and community addressing abusive behaviours? Does s*x education for youth incorporate the key message of respect, integrity and healthy relationship qualities? Have young people been given enough resources and tools to help place a positive value on s*x and intimacy? Are they getting a strong message about how s*x affects their overall wellbeing? Or are they left to their own devices with no guidance on how to develop a healthy respect for themselves and one another?

GET A GRIP teenz™ effectively addresses the imbalance of power in relationships; equips young people with knowledge on the difference between choice, pressure, manipulation and force; assists with conflict resolution and problem solving; provides tools to make smart choices based on respect, integrity and empathy; and brings a clear message that technology and intimacy don’t go together. Find out more about this incredible resource and help us get it into the hands of Generation Z – who now, more than ever, need to be armed with effective strategies.

(The names of the Facebook pages were not made known – The pages have been reported. If you see similar pages, be proactive and report them.)

Embracing support…

Recently I wrote about the damaging effects of erotic image addiction. I’ve had many people email me and thank me for the great insight.  Following on from this is further reflections of encouragement for those who may be affected.

Quite simply, there are no easy answers for those addicted to porn.  I will be the last person to suggest that breaking free from any addiction is a quick fix.  Pornography is no different.  So there’s the first point to note: addiction to porn is just as destructive as any other addiction – therefore, an understanding and supportive spouse and family is essential.  Take a moment to watch this… a powerful illustration of how others can intervene in the face of tragedy: http://embracethis.co.uk/

Please don’t think I’m suggesting a child has the capacity to intervene.  On the contrary, a child needs to be as protected as possible from the collision scene so their life can retain some balance.  However, the clip is drawing a parallel of how important love and support is in assisting a person to break free from addiction.  Love is one of the few things which has the power to draw someone away from something so harmful and bring them to a place of security and normality.

In saying this, the second point is that the person affected by addiction has to recognise they have a problem, followed by a commitment to want to change.  While ever a person remains in denial, it is both heartbreaking and often impossible to love them out of anything.  And yet, if you find yourself having to throw someone a life-line, you won’t know if it’s going to work unless you try.

Just like the man wearing no seatbelt, others needed to help him recognise the mistake and provide support to avert tragedy.  There were still many broken pieces flying about him – his choices meant the circumstances of his life and that of his family were totally shattered.  Yet he survived because of the arms of love wrapped around him, embracing him and awakening him to life.

If you are affected by someone who is addicted to porn (or anything else), you need support – and they need support when and if they recognise the need to change.  You can’t do it on your own – and yet, every person I have spoken to has felt totally isolated in their struggle to break free; or alone in hopeful attempts at supporting a loved one. A wife who has just discovered her husbands ‘other life’ feels demoralised, and struggles with the reality of betrayal and broken trust.  In essence, her husband has had an affair of the emotions and mind, inviting other people into what is supposed to be a safe and monogamous, intimate and loving relationship.  The grief from this can be just as devastating as a physical affair.

So third point: find others who can support you through this difficult time.  Find a good counsellor, reach out to friends you can trust and seek a support group.  As challenging as this may seem, it’s at a time like this when you need others arms of love wrapped around you to support your life while you regain control.  The sad reality is that many relationships don’t survive the betrayal of porn addiction and lives are left in ruin.  It takes a huge amount of commitment from both partners to piece back together the fragments.  If either one is unwilling to give it all they’ve got, the survival rate dwindles.

Does anyone have any thoughts on helping someone walk out the other side of addiction? I’m happy to post your comments anonymously, so send your insights this way.

Be proud to be a prude…

Been called a prude for standing up against porn?? Ever felt you were taking more than a moral stance but not quite sure what the evidence says?  Perhaps you’ve wondered what you can say in quick response to being dismissed as getting on your moral high-horse.  Here are a few pointers for those moments when you need a ‘shock value’ response…

o   Did you know that in the long run porn has the same damaging effect on the brain as abusive drugs?

o   Did you know that rape is rising – older teen boys’ raping 13 and 14-year-old girls – and it’s linked to porn…

o   Did you know that the brain produces erototoxins in response to erotic images?

o   Did you know that erototoxins create a physiological response which meets the definition of a drug and has a pharmacological effect?

o   Did you know that pornographic erototoxins always bypass common sense and communication?  They invade and occupy the human brain, mind and memory. Choice is denied the victim – yes, porn viewers are victims of addiction – users must be encouraged to break the cycle as much as any other addict.

o   Did you know that both soft and hard porn can imprint and alter the brain, triggering an instant, involuntary, but lasting, biochemical memory trail?  Once our neurochemical pathways are established they are difficult or impossible to delete.

o   Did you know that porn images also commonly trigger the viewer’s “fight or flight” sex hormones producing intense arousal states which create unconscious emotions of fear, shame, anger and hostility?

o   Did you know that unlike nicotine or even crack cocaine, pornography can never be detoxified from the body?

o   Did you know that the teenage brain neurochemically fuses bizarre fear and other toxic “gut” reactions with the sexual conduct… and these young viewing victims cannot control or understand their response?

o   Are you aware that during intercourse, a neurochemical “bonding” hormone (oxytocin) is triggered which is designed to attach lovers to one another? A person’s capacity for intimacy is weakened by casual sex (hooking up) or by repeated self-stimulation to pornographic images.

o   Did you know that dependence on Viagra, use of prostitutes, strip shows, sadistic and child pornography, drugs, alcoholism, marriage break-ups, inability to hold a career, as well as criminal sexual abuse commonly follows pornography users?

And here’s the big one… hooking up and porn viewing is the easy road impotence…

So if you know you don’t like porn and can’t quite verbalise your protective reaction for your children, here is the evidence.  Never be ashamed for speaking up against porn and telling shop owners or companies that what they are displaying is just not good enough.

It’s essential to warn teens how porn can and does literally screw people’s lives up.  Their ability to make sound decisions, their brain hard wiring, their relationships, the ability to have and maintain an intimate relationship, and the capability to maintain an erection without pharmacological assistance – is all placed in jeopardy.  No matter how you try to justify porn use, the evidence is clear.  Porn on all counts is perhaps the most destructive force on society today.

So laugh at the retorts of ‘prude’ or ‘moral panic’… the evidence of the damaging effects of porn is stacking up daily.  Of course people have a right to view it – but it would be beneficial if they knew what they were getting themselves into.  Lack of intimacy, inability to maintain a relationship and impotence is not that enticing…

The rising Surge – Part 1

The last 50 years of free love and sexual revolution has come with a price tag – no doubt more than one. I’m not going to go deep into dissecting how or why society chose this path, but want to highlight an increasing trend which every young person needs to know.

In the 1960’s, there were only two STIs of consequence: syphilis and gonorrhoea, both of which were bacterial and therefore treatable with antibiotics. Today, we have over 25 STIs, many of which are asymptomatic (have no symptoms) and have serious repercussions if undetected and left untreated. Viral STIs are included in the long list and remain with a person throughout their lifetime.

When I first started doing research into STIs, I was concerned to know that reports state at least 50% of sexually active men and women acquire Human Papillomavirus (HPV) at some point in their lives.  This is a fairly high statistic. Remember, it requires a sexually active person to obtain HPV. Avoiding sexual activity alleviates any anxiety about getting this virus.

Being a virus, HPV is untreatable. Thankfully, studies have shown that in many instances, the body’s immune system is able to clear most symptoms within two years. There are over 100 ‘genotypes’ of this virus, with symptoms ranging from none at all, to genital warts.

Low-risk genotypes cause genital warts which may be treated. Around 90% of genital warts are caused by genotypes 6 and 11.

At least 13 high-risk genotypes are responsible for the onset of cervical cancer. The two most common are genotypes 16 and 18, causing up to 70% of cervical cancer cases. Factors which make the development of cervical cancer more likely include immune suppression, early age at first delivery, cigarette smoking, long-term use of hormonal contraceptives and co-infection with Chlamydia (current rates around 1 in 4 in the 15 – 29 year age bracket and Herpes Simplex Virus (carried by more than 1 in 10 Australians).

The most emerging prevention against HPV has been the Gardasil Vaccine, administered to high school aged girls from grade eight. This protects against 6, 11, 16 and 18 and comes with a nasty list of possible side effects, including rashes; headaches; auto-immune reactions and paralysis. It is important to remember the vaccine doesn’t cover all genotypes which cause cervical cancer or warts; and may not work for everyone.

If you’ve been vaccinated, it should not be presumed this is a miracle cure for cervical cancer or an excuse for apathy in regard to responsible and healthy sexual choices.

HPV is highly transmissible, with peak incidence of infection soon after sexual activity commences. And perhaps the most alarming studies reveal that the leading cause of oral and throat cancers is no longer attributed to cigarette smoking, but to Human Papilloma Virus. 70% of all new cases are linked to HPV: those who have given oral sex six or more times are at greatest risk, with men also at high risk for the disease.

Governments around the world are concerned enough to implement national vaccination programs which prevent 4 strains of this virus. Incidences of infection with HPV, subsequent side effects and resulting disease are rapidly increasing. Condoms reduce the risk but only the skin that is covered. And amidst all this, HPV is only one of the 8 STIs of Public Health Concern in Australia.

Young people, this is a big wake up call – if you are engaging in oral sex, this is no way to protect your health and wellbeing.

Educators, if you present any message in regard to safe sex – the stakes are high. Are young people aware of the potential cost to their wellbeing?

The rising surge of STIs clearly indicates an insidious undertow of disease – are you aware of how to swim out of the rip?

[This article can be viewed in its entirety, including references, by viewing the latest GEN Z Wellbeing Newsletter; or you can subscribe to updates to the newsletter; and find information on the GET A GRIP teenz program.]

Synergy and Momentum

I love it when people get together to unite for a cause. I encountered it with Bono and U2 last week; I saw it in action when I joined with “The Cage Youth Foundation – Creating a New Normal” at a fundraising breakfast for their amazing work in the Redlands Bay area; and now I see it in action with ‘Collective Shout Teens‘.

(BTW – Collett Smart, author of ‘The T(w)een Factor‘ has done an excellent blog on the exciting new arena of ‘Collective Shout Teens’.  This is where youth join together and speak out against the sexploitation bombarding them every day – so I highly recommend you go to this blog to find out how you can be involved!)

Seth Goddin writes about uniting for a cause in his book ‘Tribes’. Deep down, we all want to join a group – a cause – a project. One that is bigger than ourselves and for the good of others.  When we join together for a cause, we are part of something greater than a whinge or a moan lost in the bustle of “who cares?”.  A collective shout (thanks for the catch phrase) has the potential to do something so much bigger than what would occur alone.

For those of you around the nation who have had the incredible experience of attending a U2 concert, you will quickly recognise that Bono is a tribe leader; a man who has the ability to unite people through awareness and inspiring action, on issues otherwise unknown.  (and just as a side note – if you ever have the opportunity to go to a U2 concert, in my opinion, it’s an experience worth having!!)

When a group of people unite, it creates synergy: Synergy is when people work together to create an outcome that is of more value than the total of what the individual’s input would be.

When something gets started, it gathers momentum: the faster something is moving, the harder it is to stop.  Momentum is a physics term – where the force of something is directly related to the mass of the object.

When you combine synergy and momentum the outcome is a force to be reckoned with.  Synergy and momentum united for a worthwhile cause is enough to change the world.

Recently I heard something disturbing.  Those who care about the issues that really matter – are often the silent majority.  How sad is that??  Silent majority.

Too often, those who have the power within them to create change don’t speak up.  What the?  If we have a voice, we have the capacity to use it.  If we open our eyes and look, we will find a whole other group of people out there who are concerned about the same issues.

Are you part of the silent majority?  Or are you part of a Rising Synergy and Momentum prepared to make a difference on the issues that matter?  Get involved – Be a leader of a tribe, or be part of a tribe.  Find something you can get passionate about which will make a lasting positive difference on the next generation.  One day, they will thank us

What are you doing with your voice?

On Saturday night, I was reminded there are other like-minded individuals fighting for the next generation – each hoping Gen Z will have open eyes, guarded hearts and discerning minds.  This is of course, the preferred option… rather than swallowing whatever bitter and distasteful portions are served up to them by a sex saturated culture – media who would like nothing more than to immerse the next generation in the lie that they are nothing more than how sexy (or not) they look in the most recent fashion or accessory ‘must have’.

Speaking against this onslaught is Collective Shout – celebrating outstanding achievements thus far by opening the doors for  supporters to attend their first birthday in East Brisbane.

So who is Collective Shout?  Collective Shout is an opportunity – to be a voice against the onslaught of sexploitation within our culture. What sexploitation might you say?   This is the sad reality – culture has become so immersed in a sex saturated diet, only a few have eyes to see and even fewer are aware and prepared to do something about it.  Or perhaps there are those who have been aware of the degradation surrounding our lives – but not known how ‘one’ can make a difference.

Noticed any raunchy billboards lately?  Only if Collective Shout haven’t been notified!

Been alarmed at adult only magazines being within eyes view of our children? Not if Collective Shout has intervened with imposing plastic wrapping on many inappropriate publications.

Been disgraced at bras being made available for 6 year olds? Blink and you would have missed it because Collective Shout have spoken up for the innocence of our children.

What causes a person to express their unswerving commitment by show of time, energy and (if called for) finance? The answer is quite simple… a cause greater than themselves.  Collective Shout shows there are a growing number of people who care enough about our children’s future to collectively shout about it – to be the voice of dominant persuasion – to refuse to eat the bitter platter of poison set to rob a generation of their rights.  Rights to be self-worthy individuals – rights to stand tall in who they are rather than what they look like – rights to be accepted for gifted skills and talents instead of appeasing the sexual appetite of a pornified culture.

I can’t be complacent.  I can’t do nothing.  I have to be a voice – louder and harder than ever before.  What about you?  Are you prepared to fight for a generation who needs you?  One simple way is to join collectively – Open your eyes to the things once seen as distasteful and inappropriate – our next generation needs you – to SHOUT!

What is the quality of your relationships?

A new study has found that the quality and quantity of a person’s relationships effects not only mental health well-being, but also mortality.  Oh my goodness! What fantastic news!  This means that if I work on my relationships – on good friendships and including more people in my world, I am going to live a longer life with less illness!  How easy is that!!

The above mentioned study found that “the influence of social relationships on the risk of death are comparable with well-established risk factors for mortality such as smoking and alcohol consumption and exceed the influence of other risk factors such as physical inactivity and obesity….. Although further research is needed to determine exactly how social relationships can be used to reduce mortality risk, physicians, health professionals, educators, and the media should now acknowledge that social relationships influence the health outcomes of adults and should take social relationships as seriously as other risk factors that affect mortality, the researchers conclude.”

You can read the full report here

Did you catch that?  Positive social relationships have more of a bearing on our quality and length of life than physical inactivity and obesity!!  Wow!  Obviously staying active and maintaining a healthy lifestyle is vital, including quitting smoking and reducing alcohol intake – but it has to be done in conjunction with a big emphasis on positive relationships.

Whilst the popularity of technology is rising, it detracts from personal relationships (and makes us inactive and sometimes… obese, particularly if computer time is coupled with chocolate time – not that I ever do that of course! ).  Focussing on social media is a great tool – but it really isn’t doing us any favours.  If social media is used as the only form of catching up with friends, it’s not good enough.

As I reflect on this study, I also ponder the long-term effects of unhealthy sexual relationships on our physical being.  If our relationships with others cause us heartache – such as random sexual encounters or broken relationships (which can leave a person feeling devalued and unappreciated), illness, mental instability, depression and a shorter life span can result.  Stuffing feelings inside and ignoring them is not effectively dealing with them – we must talk about what’s going on in the inside with a trusted counsellor or insightful person.

Relationships matter.  How we interact with others does matter – on every level.

Draw a line – make the decision to seek out healthy relationships.  A random sexual encounter or a non-committed relationship will not add value to your life.  It will not make you a more rounded or ‘experienced’ person.  It will however, create confusion and uncertainty, and bring with it baggage you are not created to carry – physically, mentally or otherwise.

A healthy relationship does not place huge demands or expectations on our being.  A healthy relationship is a pleasure to have… going for a walk with a good friend, sharing a coffee, going to the beach and hanging out.  A healthy relationship is not substituting time behind a computer screen for real and intimate friendships – or sexually giving ourselves away for the sake of a moment of physical pleasure.  Life is a gift – and you are an invaluable part of this life!

We are not created to do life alone – we are created for intimacy.  By starting with the basics and having good solid relationship foundations, we are in a better place to seek intimacy and commit to a healthy relationship for life.

Join a sporting or community group or get involved in a vibrant church (yes, they are out there!).  Find a cause greater than yourself and impart into someone else’s world.  Reach out – find a friend – determine to add value to their life and the rewards that come flowing back into yours will be phenomenal, including living a happier, healthier and longer life!